Dedication

Dedication comes from within. Exhibiting dedication isn't just something that comes to you overnight. Whatever it may be, we all find ourselves dedicated to something. Dedication stems from a hunger so strong it consumes us entirely.

What are you dedicated to? You don't know? That's completely fine. Many of us search for years without any indication of what we want to do in our short life here on earth. But when you're out there searching for your passion, when you find it, never let it go. 

Too many people conform to societal norms. If you want to be a doctor, pursue a doctoral education in medicine. If you want to be an actor, do everything possible to make that happen. If you want to be an activist in a foreign country, move. Do it. I can't stand hearing about the passions of people going to waste just to satisfy others superficial opinions of what one should do in their lifetime. 

I come from a family of business executives/owners, doctors, lawyers, etc. With every move I make, I'm expected tag along in their footsteps. But I don't want to be a doctor, lawyer, etc. While I don't exactly know where my life is going, I'm working harder everyday to make something out of myself. Breaking that news to my family wasn't easy. The disappointment that it stimulated will always remain with me in some way or another. My decision to head into the entertainment business cost the relationship with my entire family. Even though I sacrificed my family, I've never been happier with the direction of my life. 

I'm no success story. I go to bed with an immense amount of regret every night. I regret not pursuing my interests earlier. I regret being too afraid to be dedicated to my interests in fear of what people would think. I regret some of the decisions that I've had to make in spite of the direction of my life. But I wouldn't trade anything for the world.

At the end of the day, we're human. We're not here to please anyone. We're here to be happy and make a positive influence. So if that means joining the peace corps, traveling around the world without a dollar to your name, or going to law school, do it. Because following what you're truly dedicated to will never disappoint you. 

Failing to come to terms with your dedication will leave you nothing but lonely. I don't know about you, but I'd rather be happy with little support than dreading each day to conform to someone else's views. 

I hope those who I've disappointed can see this one day and know that your disappointment is being sent down a one way street. Your disappointment in me will not be reciprocated with disappointment in myself.

Cause all I see is an open road to anywhere I want. 

Nostalgia

Nostalgia isn't just something you forget. It's an ever piercing pigment of who you once were and who you are today. During life we find ourselves in an endless cycle of living and remembering. The experiences we live metastasize into who we become in life. It's human tendency to reflect on the good and bad. We see every instance in which we once felt something. Whether that was pure happiness or swallowing sorrow, we remember. 

Nostalgia keeps me up at night. Nostalgia to me is the whisper of the words of my estranged parents. It's the joy of being youthful and not caring about a thing in the world. It's the health of the loved ones that I have lost. It's the hateful words of my peers growing up. 

When I think into the past, I see a hierarchy of events that don't quite fall together. The footprints that I have left thus far don't make sense. I know people from all walks of life around the country. Hell, all over the world. I've had experiences that are so personal that I refuse to talk about them to anyone. The nostalgia of these people and experiences run through my veins. 

It's funny to talk about, but last weekend is the first time I've had a conversation with a complete stranger, let alone anyone at all, about my entire life. I took a half our taxi ride from downtown Chicago to Chicago-Ohare International Airport at 4 AM. Slightly out of it at the time I explained my life down to details I've managed to overlook myself. For that half hour I found myself reminiscing on the good and bad moments of my life. I explained my aspirations. I talked about the relationships I have managed to let go. For that half hour, the nostalgia that has made up my entire life whisked right in front of me. For that half hour, the taxi driver didn't say one word. Finally, we pulled up to the terminal. Expecting him to say nothing I quickly pulled out my Visa to swipe and leave. Instead, he turned off the ignition and put the car in park. He abruptly turned around and looked me in the eyes. He had legitimate tears in his eyes. 

In his best foreign formed English he mumbled,

"Let all of your worry go. The past is the past, it's a part of who you are, not who you are. Life is too short to care about things and people that cannot be changed. Live free and without fear and you will forever be prosperous." 

Nostalgia. The sentimental value I put emphasis on in my past has carried on way too long. If people aren't going to be supportive of my aspirations, I'll let them go. If the closest people in my life are willing to walk out on me for nothing, I'll let them go. Let it all go and move forward. For I will always have the memories of my past, but I refuse to spend my time deciphering problems back in time. 

We live and grow. Nostalgia will always be my gateway to the past. Nostalgia will always be my gateway to past feelings. Nostalgia will always be.