Nostalgia

Nostalgia isn't just something you forget. It's an ever piercing pigment of who you once were and who you are today. During life we find ourselves in an endless cycle of living and remembering. The experiences we live metastasize into who we become in life. It's human tendency to reflect on the good and bad. We see every instance in which we once felt something. Whether that was pure happiness or swallowing sorrow, we remember. 

Nostalgia keeps me up at night. Nostalgia to me is the whisper of the words of my estranged parents. It's the joy of being youthful and not caring about a thing in the world. It's the health of the loved ones that I have lost. It's the hateful words of my peers growing up. 

When I think into the past, I see a hierarchy of events that don't quite fall together. The footprints that I have left thus far don't make sense. I know people from all walks of life around the country. Hell, all over the world. I've had experiences that are so personal that I refuse to talk about them to anyone. The nostalgia of these people and experiences run through my veins. 

It's funny to talk about, but last weekend is the first time I've had a conversation with a complete stranger, let alone anyone at all, about my entire life. I took a half our taxi ride from downtown Chicago to Chicago-Ohare International Airport at 4 AM. Slightly out of it at the time I explained my life down to details I've managed to overlook myself. For that half hour I found myself reminiscing on the good and bad moments of my life. I explained my aspirations. I talked about the relationships I have managed to let go. For that half hour, the nostalgia that has made up my entire life whisked right in front of me. For that half hour, the taxi driver didn't say one word. Finally, we pulled up to the terminal. Expecting him to say nothing I quickly pulled out my Visa to swipe and leave. Instead, he turned off the ignition and put the car in park. He abruptly turned around and looked me in the eyes. He had legitimate tears in his eyes. 

In his best foreign formed English he mumbled,

"Let all of your worry go. The past is the past, it's a part of who you are, not who you are. Life is too short to care about things and people that cannot be changed. Live free and without fear and you will forever be prosperous." 

Nostalgia. The sentimental value I put emphasis on in my past has carried on way too long. If people aren't going to be supportive of my aspirations, I'll let them go. If the closest people in my life are willing to walk out on me for nothing, I'll let them go. Let it all go and move forward. For I will always have the memories of my past, but I refuse to spend my time deciphering problems back in time. 

We live and grow. Nostalgia will always be my gateway to the past. Nostalgia will always be my gateway to past feelings. Nostalgia will always be.