Losing

Hey internet. It's 1:30 AM, I have to be up at 7 AM, and I still have to finish a paper that's worth 50% of my final grade. I'm writing this because as I grow older I'm finding myself with less and less people in my life that I consider people I can trust with everything.

Growing up changes people. And I'm not talking about myself, because I've changed a lot too. I'm talking about the people that I always thought would be there. As our circumstances change and big decisions plague who we really want to be, reality sinks in.

.. And sometimes reality hits hard.

If I could take away one thing from growing up, separating myself from my family, and stepping out into a world of unknowns, it's that you have to learn to accept loss and vouch for yourself. There won't be a lot of people out there that truly have your best interest at hand. You always have to be prepared for the people who you cared about the most to walk out of your life. Always be prepared to have days with nothing, and appreciate the days you feel you have everything.

Growing up as an only child, I learned independence at an early age. I've taken so many matters into my own hands, and I have to say that I'm completely blessed I have. Yeah, it's been hard. There have been many nights where I stay wide awake worrying about tomorrow. But at the end of the day, all the experiences that I've had have been worth it.

But as much as I am proud of my independence, I worry that it's only debilitating me in the end. I've let some of the closest and influential people in my life go. I've ended relationships that have had no issues. And yeah, I regret a lot of it. I would be a complete fool to say I didn't.

I don't know how many nights I've stayed up and thought about times from my past, reached to my phone to text the person, and then realized that they wouldn't respond. It wouldn't be the same. Nostalgia sinks in.

Appreciate what you have, because losing what you thought you would never lose.. hurts. It sucks. And shit will never be the same.